…therapy, and before tonight’s “Slidefest” an event which I had to curate this week because I had kept putting it off. Thank goodness I know some very patient artists who consented to come and present work tonight. Otherwise things would be looking pretty pathetic. In the 45 minutes of downtime, I’ve knocked out a drawing of a sinister stuffed rabbit for a benefit action that someone approached me about yesterday. They’re supposed to come pick it up any minute. I truly have to stop saying yes to everything because I can feel myself becoming more and more stressed out. The back twinges, acid reflux, and little bouts of binge spending like the one I just went on at the Strand and where I purchased:
A Taschen Book on Velasquez
Another Taschen book (icons series) on Indian Street Graphics
Waiting for Food #3, an R.Crumb placemat drawing collection
Drawing in England from Hilliard to Hogarth
The Acme Novelty Date Book, a collection of Chris Ware’s notebook sketches
America’s First Dynasty – The Adamses 1735-1918
Then I went by Barnes and Noble on Union Square, because I had a real hankering for The Education of Henry Adams, and also my friend Carl Frano might be working there. He was, and on the way out I saw that Amphigorey Also had been marked down to $10 so of course I had to pick that up too.
Meanwhile I sit at home and come to tears over the boxes of books in my apartment and how I can’t get way from them.
Well I have a long history of self medicating through shopping, and the ostensible justification for this particular binge was that I had just deposited a wholly unexpected check from my NY gallery. All of these images feed the work in some way, or would if I gave myself the time to do it. Sitting with the pencils in hand to make this benefit drawing felt very, very good. and it’s always reassuring to see that “I’ve still got it” hand/eye wise. But sometimes it’s thin broth.
Much of therapy was spent talking about the trip to SF and I found myself trying to articulate what I’m feeling about LJ right now, its odd mixes of intimacy and self presentation, especially when the mix includes real world contact.
Would your back hurt less if you bought lighter books?
I’m surprised you didn’t get Ghetto by Adam Broomberg and Oliver Chanarin [ http://www.foto8.com/reviews/V2N2/ghetto.html ], too. It’s top of my list next time I need some retail therapy.
I think LJ is spilling over into my regular life
in that I find myself confessing to complete strangers in person now, when they’re looking right at me, wondering why I don’t shut up.
What’s up with that?
Re: I think LJ is spilling over into my regular life
What exactly are you confessing?
Hmmmm
No I don’t think my back would hurt less but i think my head would!
Re: I think LJ is spilling over into my regular life
What exactly are you confessing?
Re: I think LJ is spilling over into my regular life
Private stuff that would normally be reserved for the closest of friends.
Plus, thanks to teaching, I now have a habit of explaining the obvious in slow and patronizing detail. I REALLY have to put a lid on that one!
Hmmmm
No I don’t think my back would hurt less but i think my head would!
Though I don’t really know what it’s about, your sentence about coming to tears over the boxes of books in your apartment really caught my eye.
I moved into my apartment two years ago, and there are boxes in my living room that have been there ever since. I have a locker downstairs where I can store stuff, but I wanted to go through all my boxes first and sort everything. I kept putting it off. The boxes eventually attained much symbolic psychological significance, and it seemed each passing day made it less possible that I would ever deal with them.
Well recently, I’ve been making some satisfying progress in my own therapy, and one day I realized I had gotten to the point where I had the will to go through my boxes, and so I did. It felt great, like I’d surmounted a huge obstacle of my own creation.
Thanks for this post. Today is the two year anniversary of me moving into my current apt, and while it is totally filled, it still doesn’t feel lived in. That is it doesn’t feel like a place of peaceful habitation or refuge.
I feel the hugeness of the obstacle, and have to keep reminding myself that I should be looking to progress in these areas, so I’m trying to accept the nibbles I make on the problem rather than trying to make it all go away at once.
Thanks for this post. Today is the two year anniversary of me moving into my current apt, and while it is totally filled, it still doesn’t feel lived in. That is it doesn’t feel like a place of peaceful habitation or refuge.
I feel the hugeness of the obstacle, and have to keep reminding myself that I should be looking to progress in these areas, so I’m trying to accept the nibbles I make on the problem rather than trying to make it all go away at once.
I’m very impatient, especially with myself. I’m the sort of person who wants the quick fix. I have to keep reminding myself that anything that comes without effort isn’t worth much.
My recent obstacle-vanquishing came as a result of a lot of work. But it did happen eventually, and I ended up better-equipped to face future obstacles.
Don’t beat yourself up for your perceived lack of progress. It sounds like you’re doing your best dealing with a mountain that is obviously not easy to burrow through. Just give it time.