This talk was delivered as part of a panel at The College Art Association annual conference in the spring of 2015. I recently came across it in my records and thought it was worth another airing.

For the past few years I’ve been engaging in a performance practice that has involved a series of collaborators and which has taken place in campgrounds and hotels and basements and apartments around America.  In each of these performances I and my collaborators devise a script, secure props and costumes and train for our various roles.  Some of my collaborators have been trained in the arts.  Some have not, but bring other skills to bear on the work. In each instance, the recipients of the performance were the same as the performers.

I’m not going to show them to you, but if I did, it would look like you were viewing kinky queer sex.

That’s because it is: kinky, queer sex.

I want to talk about some things I’ve learned through this performance practice in these past years:

What I’ve learned as a kinky queer:  nobody can fuck for you. Typing isn’t fucking.  and it certainly isn’t a way to fuck things up.

Here is the invitation sent to the participants on this panel:

“Each speaker will have approximately 20 minutes to present their own cultural point of view regarding the state of the arts from the position of theory, aesthetic practice, politics, economics, genres, genders, sexuality, spirituality, etc… This is a specially commissioned panel in honor of the 100th year founding of the CAA. You each represent crucial points of reference and intersection regarding the contemporaneous concerns in the arts industry whether mainstream global or on the edge.” 

In other words, I’m here to talk about what’s important to me in art these days.  I should be doing this from my position as an educator.  This is the College Art Association after all.  But I want to talk as an artist.  After all, I teach because it helps me make my work.  Not only financially, but because I’m a little dim and I need to be reminded about what my problems are.

The problem is representation.

By definition: To represent, to stand in for.

The pathos of the stand in, always waiting for their big break on the ideological stage.  Representation is built on absence. The real event is always delayed, coming.  Our representatives speak for us but are not us.

This is the problem.

Or to re-present: to present over again, to give the known, to reassure.  Let me know you are really whatever, so we can finally get the uncertainty between us over with.

It is laudable that our society strives for fairness.  It is not laudable that the justification for that fairness is so often an essential sameness.

When we submit to the regimes of representation, we occupy the mental space that W.E.B. DuBois delineated so clearly as double consciousness:

“ It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his two-ness,–an American, a Negro; two warring souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder”

The Civil right model, and representational politics in this country, lead us to ask the following questions: Where’s my slice of the status quo? Is it the same size as my neighbor’s? It is predicated on an idea where I am supposed to be both myself and the representation of a social group, an abstraction.  

Our difference is acknowledged, but only as a way of pointing to our essential sameness.  It is that sameness that gives us a claim on fundamental rights.  

We are allowed to be different in every way except when we wish to step outside our role as a representative.

Further, as an artist I am charged with making this dual nature legible to a mainstream. I am given the task of identifying my issues and then providing the remedial course in them to a public that can then decide whether they have been discussed long enough.

Trends, either in an art market or an academic one are predicated on a notion that issues can be raised and resolved.  In order to be heard one must format your utterances to that system.

Fuck the status quo. I don’t want my fair share of ignorance, jingoism and billionaire worship.  I’m not waiting outside the chapel to get my love validated.

I got into the cocksucking racket because I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that crap.

To move from the toleration of variation to a love for the alien in all of its flowering should be our goal.

I want our difference to make things different, if it doesn’t, it’s been squandered.

Difference means change, queer difference means unexpected change

The work of sexual liberation remains unfinished. The sexual revolution is almost entirely consumed, but unconsummated. The artworks that emerged at the same time, were also predicated on a radical idea of presentness.  They were boring and uncomfortable as often as they were brilliant and transformative. 

Ideologies issue from bodies, from our bodies, which are not abstractions but wondrous facts, existing not in the realm of abstraction but in specific locations at specific times.

The information age banishes the specific, providing access to everything  except those things that matter.

IN A SOCIETY THAT ASKS US TO STAND IN FOR OURSELVES, we must not submit to the regime of double consciousness, which is the regime of representation.

I’m supposed to talk about the current art scene, so I’ll talk about what I see there: a bifurcated world where two markets, one financial and one intellectual, both collaborate to make the specific experience of artists irrelevant and interchangeable.

We talk about the dematerialization of the art object.  It’s time for the de-documentation of Art.  We live in an age where people are trained to experience art through the document, and to make art that can immediately be reduced to that document.  Performances that are reduced to photographs, video that are endlessly loped tableaus, unmoored from any temporal urgency.

We are the existence of sex in public.  We don’t have to be behaving sexually for that to be the case.

We are the reminder that the term “natural” is a mask for ideology. That identity is an ongoing pageant, not some sacred core of who we are.  

In this society it is our job to contra-dict – to speak against, to speak across. Even when things are nice.  Because someone has to do it. It is something all societies need, the disruption of the commonsensical, the rational, the disembodied.

We are hated because we remind people that pleasure is possible, that anyone can decide to take it. That it is a CHOICE, a choice that many don’t have the courage to make for themselves. As such, for many we are the reminder of their cowardice.

Queer isn’t who you fuck.  It’s how you fuck them.  It isn’t what you do, it’s how you do it.  It isn’t what you depict, it’s how you transform consciousness through the action of your will: That is what it means to make art.

Queer culture is not a style of culture, nor is it an adjunct to our lives which we can detach like Lego. We cannot stop talking about it or making work about it simply because some publication imagines that it has been resolved.  

Queer culture is the manifestation of our will in the world.  Our transformation of reality.  

Your dirty pictures are our history.  Your embarrassments our monuments.  

So when you start taking them down, or when you ask us to do it differently, you are not just rearranging our decor.  You are attempting to make us disappear. When an art buying public turned away from “identity based work” it presented the world with the image of people growing tired of their own ignorance being pointed out to them after they had loudly demanded to be educated. “We’re tired of inclusion, what else have you got?”

The removal of David Wojnarowicz’s A Fire In My Belly from the exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery was not about artistic freedom, which in this society is the freedom to be supposedly irrelevant, it was an attempt to rewrite American history, in an American history museum.

Representation is a losing Game, one where our own pleasure is put on hold while we make our case to a rigged jury. To beg for their tolerance: I’m supposed to believe that if a platoon of straight comic fans are persuaded to be slightly less homophobic because they see two superheros kiss, it’s more important than one queer person be fully themselves.  I call shenanigans on that shit.

Because

To our straight allies: we are here to remind you of the fact that you are making a choice every time you fuck. And to encourage you to make bolder ones, not by buying sex toys, but by bringing your whole self to the persons you are fucking.

These days I teach photographers, and I’ve come to regard photographic documentation as the enemy of artistic thought. It is time to abandon the document, to show it for the false currency it is.  We understand art through proximity, through our own risk, not by browsing and scrolling.  What is the art fair experience, if not that of a three dimensional trip through a google image search.  Attention accrues to the loudest and the most looked at becomes somehow the most pertinent.

What can we do now?  

Present, Not Represent

These pieces are embodied, in the midst of a rhetorical landscape that has become increasingly disembodied

Represent no one, be yourself present and make us a present of your pleasure.

Embody queer, don’t represent it.  Do this in your work, your teaching, your career. 

Make things different.

Refuse to buy in, refuse the status quo, stop standing in for an idea, an abstraction.  

Stop standing in the wings waiting for your big break in a show that we didn’t write and isn’t meant for our amusement. Stop waiting to add your special stripe to the rainbow,

Stop hoping  Start transforming.

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It’s funny the resistance I have to writing my posts beforehand. Even though the interface isn’t all that friendly, and I don’t have a client loaded on this laptop, I’d rather write on the lj post page than use my word processor. Well this is a little attempt to overcome that resistance.

Yesterday was another sunny day out here. I got into see my friend Kim Anno’s panel on shifting abstraction in the morning. After it ended, I ran into Prof Ray K. who is, I gotta say – so very cute ( sorry about the objectification, Ray) and who made the astute remark that on the whole, the attendees of CAA are not the most prepossessing bunch. It’s sadly true, I’ve seen many more downtown bums on this trip who have turned my head than conference goers. That being said, it has been wonderful to connect with so many pals at CAA. It feels like a part of my life that has fallen by the wayside a bit.

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In the afternoon I ditched to meet up with the Dave White, who braved the pain of his surgical recovery to take me first to a great Mexican place in Silverlake for lunch and then a couple of doors down to a little thrift store that reminded me of how terribly picked over all the places in New York are. I managed to get out the door with only a couple of purchases, luckily. And then I gave him a mission: trusting to his impeccable taste I told him to take me to Amoeba and “metal me up” unfortunately, I didn’t get to meet Extreem Aaron, nor Alonzo who had work related stress disorder, but I did get to have the great experience of sitting in the store while Dave said, yeah you should have this , yeah this too. I was ready to splurge on a Plasmatics T-shirt but the cashier couldn’t figure out how to get one and it was getting late. Now when I get home I get to experience the blissful brutality as I ponder the futility of all things not metal.

There’s another weird thing: I’m traveling around without any sort of disc playback device. CDs have become just the thing I carry the music home on, before I rip them to my hard drive: a software delivery system.

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It’s not easy being a one man shop; somehow I thought it was a good idea, and convinced the curator, that we should do the catalog for the current show as a series of 500 word entries, one on each included piece. Basically either she or I am writing the entire thing. And that writing is coming harder to me than I thought it would. Because it always does.

I know what I have to do, but am having a hard time doing it. And that’s why this post is short.

(edit) Oh hey, while I’m at it, have a great time at MAL, all my pals who are going. I’m sorry I won’t be in attendance.

Past the burnout of the past couple of days. Overslept this morning, but that left me in a much better mood than previously. Obviously I needed it. There are still many things to take care of on the rapidly-approaching horizon, but at least my conciousness doesn’t seem as sporadic as yesterday. One thing I forgot to mention about the trip to the Tang was the presence of one quite beautiful man who was a friend of one of the Tang education coordinators and who stuck around after the whole thing. We were introduced and I made some fumbling joke. He was around my height and seemed to be a pacific islander, with long salt and pepper hair and a pointed goatee. He teaches at the university in Schenectady. I’m remembering an open smile and the dry warmth of his handshake, but off course his name flew out of my head the moment it was told me. My particular curse – I can remember the jingles from every commecial I heard at age 4 but never anyone’s name.
All of this is to say I was a bit smitten. Rare indeed.
This is another of those “I’m at work and I don’t wanna be” LJ posts. There’s lots of other things I need to finish, pieces that need making, rooms that need cleaning, people that need contacting. But the fact is I almost get more of that stuff done here. And now once again I’m frightened by the messages on my phone, so much so that I won’t pick them up. An absurtity, which has gotten me into bad situations with those around me and hurt people I haven’t wanted to hurt. Time after time I’ve tried to talk through these scenarios with my therapist, yet I lapse into the same behavior. Last week for the first time he suggested medication, which left me both shocked (usually not his route at all) and a little thrilled (is my dowdy, garden variety neurosis blooming into a glamourous anxiety disorder?).
I am reading W.G.Seybold’s book “The Rings of Saturn”. It is stunning: the overall structure is a solitary walking tour through the east of England, but each chapter mimicks the sensation of walking; spare insiscive descriptions of the landscape give way to chains of association that become historical and autobigraphical essays. The erudition is never forced, and exists in conjuction with sensitive observations of people and places. This is the kind of book I wish I could write, and indeed it’s given me some ideas for my endlessly projected, endlessly delayed Jack Smith/Ray Johnson/Cockettes/et al book. When I type those words I feel that everything I’m doing right now is wrong, and that there’s a much more important task calling me